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Post-hookup dilemma: Does he pity me?

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Post-hookup dilemma: Does he pity me?

August 21, 2013

Q: A few years ago, I began a friends-with-benefits relationship. I eventually got attached and it ended on a weird note (at least for me). We ran into each other a few times and it was fine. The last few times, though, we did hook up. Recently, I texted him late to ask what he was doing (I was drunk). He never responded. He definitely is not someone I want a relationship with, but I am somewhat offended that he never responded. I'm glad he didn't respond, but I am worried that his lack of response means he pities me. Why do I feel this way? And is it true?

A: The likelihood is that he noted the time on the clock and dismissed the text as you reaching out in a moment of loneliness or boredom or playfulness and ignored it altogether. He knows you well enough to understand that the relationship is over and that hooking up is all that will happen between you.

I don't imagine he put much thought into your text, so he certainly doesn't pity you. As to your question, "Why do I feel this way?" Probably because you really wanted a response and didn't get one. Thus you are trying to find an answer, and "pitying you" seems to make sense in your mind. As I said, I don't think he put enough thought into your text to pity you.

-- Answer from Dr. L., clinical psychologist on JustAnswer.

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