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My husband hid his ex-fiancee. Should I be mad?

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My husband hid his ex-fiancee. Should I be mad?

July 30, 2013

Q: I have been happily married to my husband for 8 months now. I stumbled upon some information recently from a very reliable source saying he was engaged before in his relationship prior to ours, but he never disclosed this to me. Should I feel angry about this? I feel cheated in some way by not knowing.

A: I does seem like this is information that would typically be disclosed to you prior to getting married. As long as your relationship with him has been on solid ground, the most common reason for him not to tell you that he was engaged would have been his fear of your reaction. That's not necessarily a good excuse to avoid telling you this, but in a way it's possible that he made the decision not to tell you in order to preserve the quality of the relationship you already have together.

I can certainly understand how you would feel angry and cheated by not being told this information, and in reality it would have been better for you to hear this from him than from someone else. Because of that it does seem worthy of having a conversation with him about the level of honesty in your relationship.

Overall it is obviously important to be able to trust each other, and while he may have been trying to avoid problems by not telling you, it does seem like you have reason to be upset about the way your found out.

I would think that this would be a hard thing to brush off, so while it may be difficult to bring it up, you may feel much better in the long run to talk to him about it so that you can both put it behind you and move forward. Unless you feel like you truly can brush it off and that this wouldn't bother you anymore, it's usually best to have the tough conversation; that way there aren't any more mysteries or uncertainties. Hang in there and good luck with everything!

-- Answer from Ryan K., a therapist on JustAnswer.

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