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3 most common mistakes of newly married couples

Bride and groom in mid-kiss during the wedding ceremony, as female officiant watches.

(Photo: Flickr/PhotoAtelier)

3 most common mistakes of newly married couples

Tom Musbach

By Tom Musbach on September 19, 2013

With nearly half of all first-time marriages in the United States ending in divorce, it's clear that many couples are making some serious mistakes when getting married.

Could some of those mistakes, especially common ones, be avoided?

Three relationship-counseling Experts on JustAnswer each identified a unique mistake as "most common" and avoidable for engaged or newly married couples:

Not being totally honest with yourself and your spouse

"People fear being rejected, abandoned, judged, unloved, and more," said Rafael Morales, a licensed counselor. "Pushed by those fears, they play roles to please, use avoidance and repression to appear as appealing and loveable as possible.

"But couples being themselves allows them to know and understand each other, to work on supporting each other as a team. Not being authentic and real would not allow them to feel happy or satisfied with the relationship."

Not discussing your values

Dr. Mark, a Denver-based therapist, cited these examples: "One area is whether she's comfortable with him having women friends, and he is comfortable with her having male friends. Or financial values: Will money be pooled all into one pot, or will each person maintain control over his or her income separately?"

"Most couples don't think about their marriage as a partnership of values -- until there are arguments," he concluded.

Not coming to an understanding about children

"Often one person in the relationship has expressed a desire one way or the other about having children, and the other feels differently," said Jennifer Kelman, a counselor on JustAnswer. "The biggest mistake is to think that their views will automatically change once they become married.

"If someone is clear about not wanting to have kids, then it is unlikely to change," she said. "And being pressured into it does not bode well for the health and longevity of the marriage."

Avoiding these three errors won't guarantee bliss, but experts agree they can help build a solid marital foundation.

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